I was a born leader. Have been my whole life.
Most of the time, I just seemed pretty bossy… but my heart was always just to get things done and done well. I’ve naturally fallen into a variety of leadership roles over the years (worship team leader, editor-in-chief of the high school paper, small group leader, etc.) and have always preferred them to just being on the team.
Last year, I found myself as the editor of an exciting new website with total control and free reign over the team and the content. What seemed at first like a thrilling opportunity well-suited to my skillset all of a sudden paralyzed me. I didn’t know how to lead like this. I didn’t know how to cast a vision that others could get behind, how to be assertive and confident, how to set a strong standard.
I didn’t know how to be the kind of leader I knew this team and this project needed.
I spent many weeks feeling uninspired and pretty pathetic about myself, feeling like I didn’t have it in me. Then, a key player entered the scene.
He had been there all along as the leader of the company I worked for, and he was the kind of leader I wanted to be, too, but I had been too busy comparing myself to him to actually learn from him.
We started meeting weekly to talk about the progress of the project, to reflect on team members’ contribution, and just to discuss the status of everything, including my own heart.
Having a mentor like that was the first big step forward for me as a leader.
He was consistent, he challenged me, he believed in me, he saw the big picture vision and also noticed the little logistics, and he knew my field, my strengths, and my weaknesses well. All of those things were crucial. Our weekly meetings gave me a boost of confidence every time, and I started feeling more and more empowered in my leadership ability.
We need the spaces where we can be the hungry ones, the ones seeking, the ones asking and listening and learning. We need the spaces where we can be the teachers, the encouragers, providing the answers and giving guidance. We need both.
Then, other key players came into the picture. This time, they were people I was leading. They were writers on my editorial staff, producing monthly content for my website. I had always had good relationships with them, but they had been minimal. The more my mentor poured into me, the more I realized I had to pour into them. I started checking in with them more often, and not always about the writing or the work. I set up phone dates and Skype dates with them, and texted them throughout the week just to chat and catch up. I took all the encouragement I was getting from my mentor and in turn spilled out encouragement onto my mentees.
I had found my leadership sweet spot: the middle.
Having somebody above me to lead, motivate, encourage, and challenge me, and also having people below me to lead, motivate, encourage, and challenge myself was exactly the balance I needed. It’s a balance I think we all need– to find older, wiser ones to learn from and others to then teach.
I’ve found balance to be necessary and life-changing in my work, my friendships, and my faith. Many creatives are far too familiar with the feeling of total burnout. Many twenty-somethings are far too familiar with friendship frustrations. Many mamas are far too familiar with feeling like all they have time to do is mother their little ones.
It all comes from the same place: feeling like we are pouring out or giving or creating so much and never being filled in return.
The more we empty out, whether into relationships or our jobs or our hobbies, the more we need to fill up.
We need that balance. We need to be in the middle. We can’t always be on the bottom, or we’ll run ourselves ragged trying to perform and climb the ladder. We can’t always be on the top, either, or we’ll grow weary of always having to have it all together and know all the answers.
I’ve found balance to be necessary and life-changing in my work, my friendships, and my faith. Many creatives are far too familiar with the feeling of total burnout. Many twenty-somethings are far too familiar with friendship frustrations. Many mamas are far too familiar with feeling like all they have time to do is mother their little ones.
We need the spaces where we can be the hungry ones, the ones seeking, the ones asking and listening and learning. We need the spaces where we can be the teachers, the encouragers, providing the answers and giving guidance. We need both.
Here are a few practical thoughts for how to get in the middle:
Working women:
- A way to lead: Is there an intern or a younger new hire in your company? Offer to take them out to lunch and chat about work, life, etc. as you share what you’ve learned in your work so far.
- A way to be led: Is there somebody in your company that you admire or look up to? Ask them to coffee as well! Be sure to tell them you love what they do (or share some other compliment) and ask if they’d be willing to share some tips with you or just chat about how they got to where they are now. If the time goes well, turn either of these new partnerships into consistent meetings!
Creatives, writers, artists, etc.:
- Join a Twitter chat for like-minded folks or find a Facebook group or an online forum (psst…shameless plug from Yellow Co team…sign up for information on our upcoming Community to see how we’re building a platform just for you…).
- _A way to lead: _Pay attention to people who say they are new to the field or just getting a new project going, and reach out to them. Let them know you’re in the field as well, share how long you’ve been at it, and offer to answer any questions they might have. Make yourself available to share your knowledge!
- _A way to be led: _Pay attention to the people who seem to be successful and skilled, and reach out to them. Ask them questions about their work or their latest endeavor, ask if they have any advice for the thing you’re working on, or ask if they would be interested in collaborating in any way. You never know what relationships might blossom from just putting yourself out there!
For those involved in a church, a community organization, a nonprofit, etc.:
- Whether clearly outlined or not, there are typically hierarchies in organizations like this. There’s probably somebody leading the way (a pastor, a ministry leader, a volunteer coordinator, a CEO, a founder, etc.)—they’d be a great person to connect with if you want to be led. They might not have time to truly mentor you, but I’d bet they could connect you with someone who could. They also can probably connect you with somebody you could help mentor, such as a newer member, a younger volunteer, etc. Set up a time to chat with them when they aren’t in the thick of their work, and pick their brain!
Maybe, for you, you lead in one capacity and are led in another, like having a mentor for yourself at work and a younger student you mentor. Maybe you have the whole set up in the same arena of your life, like at your company. However you make it work, I encourage you to find the balance of leading and being led, teaching and being taught, pouring out and being filled. It’s the sweetest, most fruitful, and fulfilling spot to be.
Photos by Karen Hernandez
