In this season, I spend a fair amount of time alone, which is kind of hard for me because I like people. But I find it difficult to put myself out there when I feel intimidated, not “successful” enough, or “artsy” enough to be approached. What I’m realizing in this time alone, though, is that loneliness allows for true self-inspection. And what is more, it is necessary to grow, and to live a fulfilled life. Being truly alone gives the opportunity to look at yourself and evaluate who you are and where you are. It is a challenge—we don’t want to be faced with our true selves. Without time to truly evaluate the self, we are robbed of the ability to will ourselves to change, make hard/difficult decisions, and admit that we’ve got a long way to go—which involves the hard task pruning–cutting off things that hinder growth. When a person isn’t willing to go through the pain of pruning, they can’t thrive.
Do not settle for a life marked with fake loneliness. Be courageous enough to admit you’re alone and work to become comfortable with the person you find there.
This season of evaluating loneliness has given me a new appreciation for true, intimate relationships. In times of loneliness, life can feel messy: finger-painting, mud splattering-all-over-thenew-carpet, jumping-in-lakes-fully-clothed, kind of messy. But, you know what I’m starting to realize and understand? That’s what it’s supposed to look like.
We are constantly pressured to put up a front as if we have it together. Social media tempts us to put up our best pictures and experiences up there and leave out the messy bits. Social Media threatens life’s authentic messiness. Let me be the first to say: it’s okay to not be “okay.”
And in those moments of being “not okay,” it isn’t a list of self-help steps, nor a perfectly-timed word of wisdom that got me through- it was community. The community who committed to rolling around in the muck of my life with me- the community who looked me straight in the eyes when I confessed my biggest insecurities- they were the ones who were there and just told me they thought I was beautiful…I hope you have people like that. If you don’t, take heart, and find them. Seek after those people who surround you when life feels messy and lonely. We all need someone to tell us this truth: you are beautiful, you are enough- every broken inch of you.
Do not settle for a life marked with fake loneliness. Be courageous enough to admit you’re alone and work to become comfortable with the person you find there. Go find a coffee shop and sit down. Turn off the phone and computer, grab a journal and just be. There are hard questions and hard life situations that cannot be ignored because they don’t fit into our American “instaperfect” molds. Filters do not make hard situations (real situations) happier. There aren’t words to comfort people with broken hearts.
And in those moments of being “not okay,” it isn’t a list of self-help steps, nor a perfectly-timed word of wisdom that got me through- it’s been…[t]he community who committed to rolling around in the muck of my life with me…I hope you have people like that. If you don’t, take heart, and find them. Seek after those people who surround you when life feels messy and lonely…
All you can do is be there in the messiest muckiest bits of life and let them know you’re not going anywhere. With these two rhythms living in harmony, I believe we will thrive.
Photos by Whitney Darling Photography and Karen Hernandez
